Hotel Xcaret – Freakin’ Awesome

Hotel Xcaret's All Inclusive Lazy River
Hotel Xcaret's All Inclusive Lazy River

Just returned from 3 nights in the jungle.

In a Nutshell: Literally……

Hotel Xcaret is carved out of the earth and woods.

So…what makes it so Freakin’ Awesome?

Calling it a Resort does not do it justice… is actually a living, breathing, independant eco-system.

Upon arrival you feel like someone actually created Jurassic Park – complete with dinosaurs.

The walk to your room seems normal, but upon arrival you’re hit between the eyes with the indigenous art and hand-carved furniture created by the locals.

(guys, you even get a chair with a built-in sac holder)

Staring out your room window you see a moat that circles the resort with kayaks you can use to explore.

The beaches are more like patches of sand integrated all across the coral reef.

Birds, fish, mammals will squawk their opinion of you wearing black socks with sandals.

When you finally break out of your eco-funk, you realized you’re starved.

There are tons of places to eat…..I am not a ‘foodie’ so I can’t rave about the unique preparation and delicate seasoning of the poached eye of newt.

But I can tell you they have Grey Goose and big glasses.

Once you have fueled up and are ready to take on worlds, you have 8 worlds (parks) to choose from.  All FREE! (for guests of the Hotel Xcaret) and most have all-inclusive food/drinks so you can stay all day.

Xcaret, Xel-Ha, Xplore, Xplore Fuego (it’s the same park – just at night they go all fuego), Xenses (don’t do it if you’re already on mind-altering meds), Xoximilco (a rave of tequila-fueled boating chaos), Xenotes, Xichen and a new park Xavage which is psycho (wear your Depends).

Most parks will each take a full day to see.  And three parks are on the grounds of Hotel Xcaret which you get to via a gondola in little canals, or in an air-conditioned shuttle if you’re a wuss.

To get to the other parks you take their brand new Jurassic themed buses.

So for all you Teens who hate everything… will have to work to have a bad day.

My final note….if you are on a honeymoon or just want a romantic getaway, you get your own adults-only building (Casa Fuego) with your own restaurants, bars and rooftop (discreet topless optional) pool that overlooks the whole oceanfront side of the park.

Ok….one more final note……the freakin’ spa is like nothing you have ever seen…’s a series of caves chiseled out of limestone – with roots sticking out and natural water flowing through it.

It is the most mind-bending zen meld I have ever experienced……it is what every other Spa wants to be…….

If you can’t have fun here…….it’s your own fault……..

~Jake   – aka  Dr. ‘Dino Hunter’ Fuego

P.S.  The place runs so smooth because the owners have been running the Xcaret Theme parks for years.

The staff are extremely well trained on how to treat you and seem truly happy to be living on another planet.

Think its expensive?  It’s actually not.  Even without all the freebies and goodies.

Sign up for their mailing list for their latest offers…..we checked last week and their website pricing was way off….so if your price seems wacked, click on their chat button to be sure its not a ‘price load error’.   Scroll down their page and sign up for Offers – (and click on the Book button to check out the crazy rooms).

They have one of the coolest websites in travel.  Click to check out the homepage to get an eye full of pure Mayan colors

Go……….It will change your outlook on resorts forever.

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About Jake Johnson 211 Articles
Jake Johnson is a full-time travel bum, who prefers warm climates where the women wear less clothing. We've tried to teach him things like manners and diplomacy, but we've given up and simply rely on our editors to remove the most offensive bits from his articles. We take no responsibility for his inane ramblings opinions - they are his own.
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